I begin this post asking to be shot through the head for quoting anything from Oprah, but Oprah & Friends XM Radio host Rabbi Shmuley Boteach did a segment on the ground rules for platonic relationships between men and women, and it made good sense.

So, can men and women be “just friends,” or is sexual attraction between them inevitable? According to Rabbi Shmuley, men and women can be friends with members of the opposite sex, as long as they follow certain rules. He talked about platonic friendship between the sexes and shared his ground rules for opposite-sex friendships outside of marriage.  

If a person isn’t married, Shmuley says it’s perfectly all right to have friends who are members of the opposite sex. Society has moved away from polarizing the sexes, and today, men and women work together, go to school together and should be able to be friends, he says.

Things are different if you are married, Shmuley says. It is possible to have an opposite sex friendship, but you cannot compromise certain borders:

• You can’t go out to late night dinners together. You can have lunch together in a public place, but you should not order alcoholic beverages. “The embers of attraction really can grow in situations like that, and suddenly it’s not so innocent, it’s not just friendship anymore,” Shmuley says.
• You can’t take long drives or long flights with the other person, even if it’s for work. “Even if you have to work with a colleague [of the opposite sex], there are still certain boundaries you need to preserve,” he says.
• You cannot place yourself in any situation where romance can grow. ”Romance grows when people are alone; romance grows when people tell secrets,” Shmuley says.
• You can’t share secrets with a platonic male or female friend that you don’t share with your spouse. “Because then you’re sharing an exclusivity with a member of the opposite sex that you’re not with your partner, and that can lead to a big no-no,” he says. 
• You should not be friends with ex-lovers.

While some cling naively to the notion that men and women can be friends in the same way as same sex friends (assuming both people are not gay), I believe they are being ignorant to biology or are just not being
honest. 

A quick look back through my memory produced about five recollections of opposite sex friends who made some kind of sexual move on me - and each move was made during a time of vulnerability, a business trip or intoxication. One good friend crawled into bed with me while he was visiting from out of town. Another, while intoxicated, surprised me by getting touchy with little Miss Happy, if you know what I mean.

On each of those occasions I was not married, but I was in a relationship — which did not deter my friends. So I am VERY aware of the opposite-sex friend danger whan you are not careful and put yourself in
risky situations with a friend. 

So everyone, don’t be stupid, naive, dishonest or hide behind the “I’m different” shield. Biologically, we are all animals, some more than others.

Argue with me if you want, or share an opposite sex friend story – we know you have them!